Oh, hi.

Many things have happened since I last blogged. Many. Big things. Like moving across country. And having a baby. Okay, mostly those two things. So I won't make excuses about not blogging I'll just start again. Yay!

I have a six month old daughter. She is perfect. I also have three other children. I believe they were perfect once (maybe not the redhead...). I promised my husband no more children because even though I love her perfect baby cheeks and I could squoosh them and snuggle them and kiss her all day, loving babies is not a good reason to keep having kids. Because you know they grow too fast. Anyway, right now I'm just basking in her perfectness.

Meanwhile, almost-three-year-old is not potty trained. I wonder if this should bother me? She also likes to drink her milk in baby bottles. No real reason other than preference and I say, whatever. A glass of milk in a bottle every day isn't a big deal. I know some people think I should fix this little habit of hers. And I think, why? Who decided a sippy cup was more socially acceptable and so all toddlers must use sippy cups. She drinks everything else from a cup. She just likes milk in a bottle. And frankly, she spills less.

Also, I signed the twins up for kindergarten, and 1. It freaked out this former homeschooler. I promised myself we would reevaluate often and definitely before first grade. 2. They wanted the boys in separate classrooms as a matter of policy. Really? Maybe that's great for some twins but I really, really think it would be bad for my boys. Some things I get to decide as the parent. I'm taking control on this one or I'm yanking them from the system. End. Of. Story.

I wish I was as relaxed about all the little things I do that aren't socially perfect. My house isn't as clean, my clothes are not pinterest perfect, my body is a bit lumpy-bumpy (remember the four kids part?) I snuggle and kiss my daughter's perfect cheeks and I'll go to bat defending my kids quirks, but my own?

We don't all have to be the same. The end.

Creepy

I'm not a big fan of commercials for fine jewelry. In fact, post awesome DeBeers shadow commercials (do you remember those? With the violins?) I feel that jewelry commercials are pretty much the lowest common denominator. I'd rather see a local businessman dressed up in an animal costume. Really. Also, and unrelated, why is it jewelry commercials and coffee commercials all have the same feel? Over-emotional, rather sappy, insipid and pointless?? Except, usually coffee commercials are a little better.

On to my point. Kay is the biggest villain when it comes to evil advertising among fine jewelers. Just as I wrote that I remembered some of the heinous "he went to Jared" commercials and shuddered. They are ONE of the biggest villains in evil fine jewelry advertising.

Last year, I saw the commercial below. Note how, at the beginning, there's an overdrawn sense of suspense. The first time you view this commercial it is possible, in the first few seconds, to be entertained. You figure there's a punchline here somewhere, and with all the over-the-top creepy camp it had better be good.

No punchline. These people are taking themselves W-A-Y too seriously. This commercial is supposed to be romantic, I think. But, creepy stalker boyfriend is NOT romantic, despite popular misconceptions.

Bottom line: be careful how you execute. Romantic getaway in the mountains, storm raging outside while two people cuddle together sounds like a good premise for a romance novel jewelry commercial. But this commercial is more horror movie crossed with date rape PSA.

Breathe

So, I was just watching a Spiriva commercial, which is an inhalation-type of medication for COPD. The earnest-looking actor in the commercial told us, "COPD doesn't just make breathing harder, it makes a lot of other things harder too."

Um, yeah. Because, you know, BREATHING is important to most things. In fact, I can't think of anything that breathing isn't an integral part of. Except, well, dying.

So, yeah, commercial fail. I'm not going to post it because the rest of the commercial is incredibly boring.

But the whole thing made me think. When we're trying to craft the perfect sentence, the perfect pitch (the perfect query letter) how easy is it to make some claim that is a well, duh moment. After all, if you've got COPD you KNOW how difficult normal tasks are with it. The commercial didn't have to spell it out. So who were they talking to?

Audience. Its important. Don't forget who you're talking to.