And Then There Was Vomit

Sorry for the gross title (not really sorry). Did I lose anyone? No? That's why you're my people.

My 3-year-old has been a special kind of awesome lately. The ladies over on Rants from Mommyland mentioned a "cupcake baked by the devil."

Yup.

One of my friends pinned an article on Pinterest about how to manage your anger toward your children and I seriously raspberried the computer screen. Then I crossed my arms, stomped my foot and tossed my hair (I have an excellent tantrum teacher). It was just one of those days.

So today. We went to the Y, the boys had gymnastics and then I promised the kids the BLOCK ROOM. The block room has padded walls and floor, which is a good thing because it is filled with foam shapes of various sizes all ready to be stacked, rolled on, leaped over and generally made mayhem with. The block room is my children's favorite place.

Three-year-old played beautifully in the block room. She ran. She leapt. She didn't fall apart when the crazy boys (it was full of crazy boys, not just my own) knocked her down. At one point she ran up to me and asked, very concerned:
"Mom, are we real?"

Yes.

"Am I real?"

yes.

"What about daddy?"

I'm not sure if she was really pondering the existential nature of life or not, but apparently learning we were indeed real made her feel all kinds of better because she was charming! She hugged. She kissed. She listened.


And then there was vomit.

And when the dust had settled and she was in the bath and I had a second (while watching her thankyou) I checked some of my places online and discovered an old acquaintance had died in a terrible accident, and another friend-of-a-blogger-I-have-read was killed by an infection after giving birth. This is in addition to the other tragedies I've learned about this week (and there have been MANY).

And I hugged her little face and decided maybe the anger articles was worth reading after all.

Oh, hi.

Many things have happened since I last blogged. Many. Big things. Like moving across country. And having a baby. Okay, mostly those two things. So I won't make excuses about not blogging I'll just start again. Yay!

I have a six month old daughter. She is perfect. I also have three other children. I believe they were perfect once (maybe not the redhead...). I promised my husband no more children because even though I love her perfect baby cheeks and I could squoosh them and snuggle them and kiss her all day, loving babies is not a good reason to keep having kids. Because you know they grow too fast. Anyway, right now I'm just basking in her perfectness.

Meanwhile, almost-three-year-old is not potty trained. I wonder if this should bother me? She also likes to drink her milk in baby bottles. No real reason other than preference and I say, whatever. A glass of milk in a bottle every day isn't a big deal. I know some people think I should fix this little habit of hers. And I think, why? Who decided a sippy cup was more socially acceptable and so all toddlers must use sippy cups. She drinks everything else from a cup. She just likes milk in a bottle. And frankly, she spills less.

Also, I signed the twins up for kindergarten, and 1. It freaked out this former homeschooler. I promised myself we would reevaluate often and definitely before first grade. 2. They wanted the boys in separate classrooms as a matter of policy. Really? Maybe that's great for some twins but I really, really think it would be bad for my boys. Some things I get to decide as the parent. I'm taking control on this one or I'm yanking them from the system. End. Of. Story.

I wish I was as relaxed about all the little things I do that aren't socially perfect. My house isn't as clean, my clothes are not pinterest perfect, my body is a bit lumpy-bumpy (remember the four kids part?) I snuggle and kiss my daughter's perfect cheeks and I'll go to bat defending my kids quirks, but my own?

We don't all have to be the same. The end.

I'm being brave

I've been querying Webs, my completed urban fantasy young adult novel, off and on for over two years. I've stopped to revise, once with an agent on an exclusive basis for nearly a year. Obviously, that didn't work out. My point is I'm not shy about sharing my stuff. I've sent it to friends and family WAY before it was any good. I've had beta readers. I've posted bits in forums for feedback.

But...now I'm putting it up on Wattpad's Gatekeeper contest (see details here and here). And I'm a little scared.

I'm scared because now people who I've been hiding from will see my writing. Friends and family who I haven't told about my writing. I love these people. I don't think they'll be mean. I just...don't want them to see me as a failure. And we all know that the writing journey, for so many of us, is long and full of bumps and sometimes it ends differently than we want. I don't want them to know about all my failures. Or, I don't want them on the journey with me.

But that isn't fair to them. I mean, none of them want me to fail. And even if a bubbly teen fairy tale isn't their cup of tea, I'm sure they'll support me. I just want to present only my best self, and I'm afraid they'll see all the rejections sort of like blemishes. Even though they won't. But what if they did? Like having someone drop by when I've got dirty diapers piled in a heap by the tv and the dishes full of dishes and my kids still in pajamas and noon (or in other words, everyday). I'm afraid for people to see the real me.

I'm getting past it. I'm being brave. I'm putting my baby out there, warts and all. Oh, and if you're curious, you can check out the opening of my story here. If you stop by, I'd love a vote...the first round is all about votes. And also: self-promotion? Another thing that makes me really nervous.

Sigh...

Who Needs Sleep

Last night babygirl, who is really toddlergirl and Old Enough to Know Better, woke us all up at 4:30. Wait, back up. First, she spent twenty minutes trying to convince us something was wrong at 12:30, but we'd barely been asleep so it didn't count as much. Ahem. Back to 4:30. She woke up. Wet through. Crap. Changed her, brought her to bed with me (hey! Do YOU want to change sheets on a crib at 4:30?? Didn't think so). After twenty minutes, hubby was fed up, decided to change sheets himself. I helped (note: a million times easier with two people). Tucked babygirl in, and she went to sleep.

Did I?


see more Funny Graphs

Also note: she woke back up around 6:30 to put me out of my misery. Funnily enough (it IS a word, dang it) I had no difficulty falling asleep for ten minutes while she watched Dora, or when I switched with my husband, or on anything resembling a soft horizontal surface up until about nine am.

I am not really a night or morning person. More of a sleep person, really.

Attempt Two

Confession: I wrote a whole big blog post earlier, but when I re-read it I recognized it was a big pile of nonsense. Really. I made NO sense. I shall attempt to do better this time.

Let me tell you about my day. No. Let me summarize:

• 4,298: the number of times the twins came running to me, screaming "MOM" at the top of their lungs, while babygirl was sleeping on my lap.
• 3: number of baths I gave. This is misleading. It was sort of one big bath, but in stages, with different participants.
• 2: number if different lunches I prepared (this is pretty good for me)
• 0: number of bites babygirl took of any food I attempted to give her. She survives on whole milk and kisses today.
• 110: fights I broke up
• 20: minutes the twins managed to stay out of my sight during quiet time
• 0 words I've written on the good ole WIP.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. Some days are more productive than others. Can I also say being a mom is perhaps the most un-glamorous thing you can do? Seriously. It starts with you half-naked on a table,  fluids gushing and lots of strangers weaving around, and I'm telling you folks, it doesn't get a whole lot prettier after that.

Except.

Babygirl always squeezes me so tight when she wakes up. She snuggles right in and won't let go. And the boys? If I'd managed to write down half their funny stuff today you wouldn't be reading such a boring post. 

And now: kids in bed. Things are quiet. Its me and the computer.

Let's all just hope I've got enough brain juice left to make something happen.