Monday, February 28, 2011

I'm being brave

I've been querying Webs, my completed urban fantasy young adult novel, off and on for over two years. I've stopped to revise, once with an agent on an exclusive basis for nearly a year. Obviously, that didn't work out. My point is I'm not shy about sharing my stuff. I've sent it to friends and family WAY before it was any good. I've had beta readers. I've posted bits in forums for feedback.

But...now I'm putting it up on Wattpad's Gatekeeper contest (see details here and here). And I'm a little scared.

I'm scared because now people who I've been hiding from will see my writing. Friends and family who I haven't told about my writing. I love these people. I don't think they'll be mean. I just...don't want them to see me as a failure. And we all know that the writing journey, for so many of us, is long and full of bumps and sometimes it ends differently than we want. I don't want them to know about all my failures. Or, I don't want them on the journey with me.

But that isn't fair to them. I mean, none of them want me to fail. And even if a bubbly teen fairy tale isn't their cup of tea, I'm sure they'll support me. I just want to present only my best self, and I'm afraid they'll see all the rejections sort of like blemishes. Even though they won't. But what if they did? Like having someone drop by when I've got dirty diapers piled in a heap by the tv and the dishes full of dishes and my kids still in pajamas and noon (or in other words, everyday). I'm afraid for people to see the real me.

I'm getting past it. I'm being brave. I'm putting my baby out there, warts and all. Oh, and if you're curious, you can check out the opening of my story here. If you stop by, I'd love a vote...the first round is all about votes. And also: self-promotion? Another thing that makes me really nervous.

Sigh...

7 comments:

Candice said...

I get why you're feeling this way. It took me long time to tell friends and family I was writing. People outside the writing world don't realize just how long of a journey publication can be, but in the end I'm glad I did. I felt like I was keeping a part of my life secret and it's much nicer now they know. They've been very supportive!

Jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Renee Collins said...

Way to put yourself out there! I'm reading your pages right now. And really enjoying them! :)

I know what you're feeling, though. It's a hard thing to do! (Also I totally know what you mean about someone coming to the door unannounced. I hate that! Don't they know they have to give at least a ten minute warning?!)

Best of luck with the contest!

Kasie West said...

I still have a hard time showing my work to people. Even friends. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Good job on putting yourself out there.

Janine said...

Thanks for the comments. It just feels so naked to throw some of this stuff out there...ah well :)

Ashley said...

Hey Janine! Good luck with your WIP! I just wanted you to know that I tagged you on a MEME on my blog at ashley-aynes.blogspot.com if you have a moment to check it out. Can't wait to read the opening of your story.

Kadie Kinney said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sent my stuff to friends and family WAY before it was good enough. I'm in the middle of revisions for my MS. And the more I revise the more embarrassed I am that I sent it to anyone, anywhere, ever.

But that's what it takes, I guess. Here's to being brave together. I just found your blog and I'm so glad I did. I just started my own and would love to see you over there sometime! Good luck with your contest! So exciting!
www.3pointperspective.blogspot.com